Damn, it's hot in here. Hotter than me! Hotter than that time I had an orgy with clones of myself! That was hot in two ways. One, my supreme hotness, and two, I was on the bottom of a Lani pile. I miss the cloning machine. Apparently nobody even knew it existed. I was the first to use it and I broke the crap out of it.

I thought about going back to the mall today, but the bitch is GONE. Flattened. On fire. Worse than my shitty house here in Prosperity. The bitches here really don't like me. And the same bitches are all going crazy now. "Ohh, my house is on fire! Somebody help me!" Stupid weenies. Like I'm going to help them after they called me bad words like "thief" and "murderer" and "slut." Truth hurts, dammit.

Looks like the end of the world out there. This is prime looting time. I'm gonna loot me about five air conditioners cuz...damn. Does anybody else think the sun looks a little closer? Like, a LOT closer? That's on my loot list. Also an axe sharpener, vibrator, and butter.

Seriously, I'm out of butter and I am craving pancakes.

I HOPE YOU ALL DIE!

Yes! Hells yes! I'm getting so bored in that mall and now Jecht has moved me to demolition! It's awesome. I get to bring my axe to work and break stuff! I actually decided against my axe though. It didn't break things very well since it's more for cutting and chopping. So I downgraded to a sledgehammer. It's not as satisfying, but it's sorta satisfying, and that's good enough for me!

That damned octopus though...he almost makes it HARDER to work! He's like "I'm an octopus" and some crap about being a higher being, then he's like "I have eight legs and I can use eight sledgehammers!" I'm paraphrasing and all that, but still, he's swinging around these eight sledgehammers and I have to spend most of my time not dying. Stupid jerk nearly killed me every five minutes!

I guess this means that blitzball will be making a big comeback. I heard something about having a few teams to take on Calamity and Prosperity. I dunno how peace and democracy works, but aren't we in a fuggin war? Eh, oh well. I miss the game. That slave-freeing match was fun. I was told to kick the shit out of bitches, and the bitches did indeed get the shit kicked right out of them.

About time this mall starts waking up! I do nothing for a friggin eternity, and now I have people wanting to go kill things with me and people that need help hitting bitches in a blitz tank! Hells yes. I was getting so bored at work. We have a friggin blitz tank on our roof and all we're letting it do is go all rotten. The chemical levels are all off and the tank is starting to turn kinda green. Yeah, we still sometimes offer private lessons in there, and Jecht will swim in it because that dumbass will swim in anything, but it's still nasty. Maybe blitzball will take off again and we'll have a reason for cleaning the damn tank. Jecht yells at me to clean it more often, but he should be thanking me because of all the money I'm saving by not cleaning it.

If I become a mindless slave at Great Mallboro, then....hell, I don't care! I'm going out of my mind in this mall, so I don't really care if they suck out my brain or whatever. They can have it. My job doesn't require it anyway. And they'll probably just fire me anyway when I start hitting their customers. . . .

This week is great. Everybody is miserable, most of them are blind or confused or both, and the looting pleasure is alllll mine. I grabbed one of those ribbons from some girl and have felt great ever since. For some reason, this ribbon keeps me healthy. If ever I feel sick, I just tug at the sides and tighten the damn thing. It pinches my head more and somehow keeps the crazies out. It's really ugly and girly, but whatever. It helps to add to the confusion. I heard one store owner explaining like "it was some foxy chick in a ribbon and pink dress with a pet grizzly bear!" Which is awesome, because every part of that is right except the ugly dress. I did bring a bear with me when I looted stores. He's the decoy. Everybody is like "Oh shit! That bear is eating my boyfriend!" instead of being like "Oh shit, that foxy chick is stealing my money!"

Moral of the story: bears rule.

DAMMIT! I finally get to a damn computer. Between me, peppy-girl, muffin-man, and lizard (I know their names but screw them!), we make a terrible 4-headed monster. Seriously. But it was SO sweet! I got to live the majority of the day as a hermaphrodite! Boy parts, girl parts, and a tail! And better yet, I think it was Ba'Gamnan's fault that we had it, but retractile penises are awesome. I don't remember the sciency word for it, but it was sweet. When we didn't need it, it went away. I wish men were like that.

But seriously, it took me forever to get to a computer! Laguna wanted to work at the damn muffin shop all the friggin time, and since the rest of us are a bunch of slackers, we just went with it. But it was booooring. Especially since I only had control of a few body parts. One was the penis. That was hilarious to play with while we were serving customers. I figured out how to extend it at the WORST times. My favorite was when we gave this lady her tea, and she said "I could use something to stir my tea, please." And oh man, I was all like "SPROING!" and that penis just SHOT out. I mean, we had pants on, but we were standing close enough that it bumped the side of her tea cup. And I was like "Laguna!" And then all the sudden our leg cramped up and we were unable to stay balanced, so we fell right on top of that old lady. DAMN could she run fast! She got out from under us and took off like a friggin chocobo tied to a jet engine! SHOOOM!

.....Fuck. Selphie's turn to use the body. Stupid time share. Time to listen to shitty music and dance.

stay away..................sephiroth..................he not want sex...................kiill....................ani..............................asvoinavlkklg

( Private )

Lani: You are finally repeating days. Long live Lani!

YOU DON'T THINK I'M SEXY ANYMORE!

Grr! I spent my whole week trying to learn how to haunt people, but it's hard! I finally learned how to type. Here's my week in summary.

1. Learn I have "died."
2. Party.
3. Learn that I'm not dead.
4. Learn that other people died.
5. Party.
6. Figure out that they're likely in my same situation.
7. Try to haunt people, only to learn that, like that movie Ghost, moving something when you're incorporeal is very difficult.
8. Perv on everybody. Yep, I've now officially seen everybody except NORG naked. Ha ha ha! Some of you have some seriously small penises.
9. Found a guy in the slums that is a ghost and possesses rat carcasses to teach me how to touch things. "Get off my train!" It was easier for me to think of him as the subway guy from Ghost when talking to him, since most of the time he made weird mumbling noises and belched to communicate.
10. Gave a few invisible hand jobs.
11. Pranked the hell out of bitches. Tying shoes together and such.
12. Slept because being invisible is boring.
13. Attended my own funeral. Nobody came.
14. Party.

.....Partying alone is gay.

Here at Jecht's, we're all about hair. Wolf lovers up in this place. They're monstrous. Primal. HOT. Vampires are little whiny bitches. And I hate them. I will never have sex with them because when you do they either turn evil or good, and those both suck. Chaotic neutral is where it's at.

.....SHUT UP! YOU'RE a nerd! Homo. Homo nerd!

Anyway, I've taken it upon myself to kill vampires. Lani the Vampire Slayer. Vampire Hunter L. I hate them, they suck and they're scrawny ugly things. They will all burn. Or lose their heads. Or be staked. Or whatever it takes to kill them (I'm hoping axe works). Vanille is like Willow, Fang is like whatever lesbian Vanille wants to have sex with, Penelo is like some....dorky.....friend...AHA! Like Dawn! Whiny and annoying and maybe a vampire so we should stake her just to be sure! And Jecht is umm....Hell....I dunno.....Giles. Before you say anything, Giles is a sexy bitch and everybody knows Lani the Vampire Slayer has sex with him on the side.

SAVE OZ! WEREWOLVES FOREVER!